Jokes

[eccentrically1]

One to hold the bulb and an infinite number to turn the universe around the bulb.

[Wubbly]

math humor.

[AB Hammer]

2, 1 Waiting to get the simulation to work properly while other build the next stand to reach it for the action needed.

[TGM]

It could happen... 😁


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I detest vegetables.
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the hell do you know?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER: WHAT THE HELL?
GOOGLE: I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

[John Collins]

Love it!!😊

[AB Hammer]

TGM

Thumbs up

[daanopperman]

The wife complained , " I have calluses on my hands from the broom "

The husband replied , " Why don't you just use the car " .

[rlortie]

In Palo Alto one day, I spied a license plate reading “4X4X8�. As I drove on, I was pondering what the significance could possibly be. The moment I figured it out, I nearly had an accident because I was laughing so hard.

It turned out that the license plate described the model of car. So: what kind of car was it? (Scroll down…)

——-

“A cordâ€� of firewood is defined as a pile 4′ by 4′ by 8′ long. The car was a Honda Accord, of course.

[rasselasss]

Ronald Reagan once said that the most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government and i'm here to help"......a very true statement and if you have ever dealt with them you know what he meant.

[Art]

Deleted

Copyright Infringement ?

[TGM]

A teacher asks the kids in her 5th-grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?

"Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.�

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Larry’s whore..."

[AB Hammer]

A few thoughts

[murilo]

AB,
you're cruel.

[AB Hammer]

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, or the bitter truth can't be understood.

Example option for a millennial
1. Take over a business, (even suppling a TV show) with a real future, but it is hard work.
OR
2. Maybe working for fast food, so you can get back to your safe space "on your off time" playing video games, while living with your parents.

No. 2 is the top answer around here in this town, for a lot of millennials sad to say. But if you only had to have an openion and sit in an office playing your video games stipulation? then they would "CONSIDER" option 1.


The future looks bleak. Like buzzards waiting for a road side splatter platter to eat.

[rocky]

I was surprised reading my daily comics today.
Thought you would enjoy reading it.