FW: Real 911 Calls, Believe It or Not
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
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And the winner is..........
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone on North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble
breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
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Jokes
Moderator: scott
re: Jokes
A man asks to the other:
- Do you like women with much brests?
Answer:
- No... for two are enough!
- Do you like women with much brests?
Answer:
- No... for two are enough!
re: Jokes
( oh, my painfull english!!! )
edicting the ''answer'':
- No... for me, two are enough!
( sorry. )
edicting the ''answer'':
- No... for me, two are enough!
( sorry. )
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ken_behrendt
- Addict
- Posts: 3487
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:45 am
- Location: new jersey, usa
- Contact:
re: Jokes
The guy in Romania who spilled hot oil down his wife's back and then proceeded to blacken her eyes and fracture her jaw after she responded by biting him should be in jail on assault and battery charges IMHO...
ken
ken
On 7/6/06, I found, in any overbalanced gravity wheel with rotation rate, ω, axle to CG distance d, and CG dip angle φ, the average vertical velocity of its drive weights is downward and given by:
Vaver = -2(√2)πdωcosφ
Vaver = -2(√2)πdωcosφ
re: Jokes
A guy goes in to see his doctor complaining of an itchy bottom. The doc asks him to drop his tweeds so he can take a look, then says, you've got a couple of lettuce leaves protruding from that orifice.
Doctor, says the guy exasperated, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Doctor, says the guy exasperated, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
re: Jokes
In the 60's, the brazilian soccer team had a very skeeled player named as Garrincha - nick name - that was a very pure and simple man, but a not so high IQ.
Before an important game, the very confident coach said:
- Well boys, in the first 10 minutes we'll atack with all force, by right and left and we'll make 2 goals.
After this, adversary will come over us and we'll make more 2 goals.
In 2nd half, we'll have 2 substitutions, will get more 2 goals in the first 15 minutes, will garantee the result, waste rest of time and make a real show and party... and 6x0 score!
Then Garrincha says:
- Good chief... very good indeed... so, I supose, chief, that all this is already combined and deeled with the gringos, isn't it?
( many fans used to say that Garrincha was better than Pelé; he was the brazilian better player at Chile in 62, since Pelé got hurt! )
regs.
Murilinho SP jun/12th
Before an important game, the very confident coach said:
- Well boys, in the first 10 minutes we'll atack with all force, by right and left and we'll make 2 goals.
After this, adversary will come over us and we'll make more 2 goals.
In 2nd half, we'll have 2 substitutions, will get more 2 goals in the first 15 minutes, will garantee the result, waste rest of time and make a real show and party... and 6x0 score!
Then Garrincha says:
- Good chief... very good indeed... so, I supose, chief, that all this is already combined and deeled with the gringos, isn't it?
( many fans used to say that Garrincha was better than Pelé; he was the brazilian better player at Chile in 62, since Pelé got hurt! )
regs.
Murilinho SP jun/12th
re: Jokes
This should solve an age-old problem:
A British company is developing computer
chips that store music in women's
breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough.
Women are always complaining about men staring
at their breasts without listening to them.
A British company is developing computer
chips that store music in women's
breast implants.
This is a major breakthrough.
Women are always complaining about men staring
at their breasts without listening to them.
re: Jokes
A man received this report from his hospital:
''Dear Sir,
your case was carefully studied by our specialists.
Those red marks at your pennis was caused by lipstick, only.
We are very sorry by that extractive surgery.
Best regards and thanks for the preference!''
''Dear Sir,
your case was carefully studied by our specialists.
Those red marks at your pennis was caused by lipstick, only.
We are very sorry by that extractive surgery.
Best regards and thanks for the preference!''
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digitaljez
- Enthusiast
- Posts: 106
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 4:53 pm