Dictionary

[Michael]

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:

40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking .......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ... On medication.
Feminist .................... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
Friendship first .......... Former slut.
New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.
Open-minded ............. Desperate
Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional .............. Bitch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............... Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay

[ovyyus]

This is definitely a boys club - lol

[ken_behrendt]

Michael...

I got a chuckle out of the "Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads". Now I'm wondering if there is a similar one for men's personal ads?


ken

[rlortie]

Ken,

Yes there is one for men, I have it around here some place and just can't come up with it.

Ralph

[ovyyus]

Irish Medical Dictionary

Artery......................... The study of paintings.
Bacteria....................... Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........................ What doctors do when patients die.
Benign........................ What you be, after you be eight.
Caesarean Section........A neighbourhood in Rome.
Catscan....................... Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her.
Colic.......................... A sheep dog.
Coma........................... A punctuation mark.
Dilate......................... To live long.
Enema.......................... Not a friend.
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else.
Fibula......................... A small lie.
Impotent..................... Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid...................... A higher offer.
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates.
Node........................... I knew it.
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted.
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room............Place to do upholstery.
Rectum......................... Nearly killed him.
Secretion...................... Hiding something.
Seizure........................ Roman emperor.
Tablet......................... A small table.
Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport.
Tumour........................ One plus one more.
Urine.......................... Opposite of you're out.
2xCondoms..................To be sure, to be sure!